Tell my Story?
Now which one do I start with? My birth? The fact that my mother had been pronounced barren before I was conceived? Or the one with the miscarriages? Witchcraft? A talking Octopus?
Maybe the one where my brother burns my face with hot water is interesting, no? What about the one where our house-help left a burning jiko in my room and I almost died? TMI? What about my dangerous adventures in Dandora, being a part of an angry mob at the age of 9 ,that lynched a petty thief outside my school because of stealing 200 bob? Too graphic? Witnessing a childhood friend getting shot in the head by the police? Or maybe the one where my brother was brought home by an angry mob because his thug friend had dared him to pickpocket someone and they wanted to put a tyre round his neck and set him on fire? Luckily someone recognised him and saved his ass by leading the mob to our home to my mother who at the time was ironing my dad’s shirts. She got so pissed off that she whipped my brother’s ass using a belt, a mwiko, threw spoons at him, then forks, and definitely the remote. She bit him and when she’d run out of options, burnt his arm with the iron box? Okay maybe these ones are too dark to start with.
My 12th Birthday Party should be interesting. Want to hear about how a group of 30 people fit in our small living room-cum-big-bro’s bedroom for my 12th birthday? I swear it’s not as depressing as it sounds. How about the story of how we got robbed and the thief pooped at the corner of our house? We had just returned to Nairobi from Makueni where we had laid my grandpa to rest. Maybe I should save this one for another day…It’s really funny.
High school? Maybe not. These ones are awash with drug tales. Not the luxury ones, I mean prescription drugs! I was anaemic throughout high school, got a blood infection that led to getting really huge cysts at the back of my legs, that went untreated for a while because the school nurse was nonchalant about my health, so the infection spread and I almost got my legs chopped off…There I go with the dark stories again. Lol. Good thing I was “high” throughout High-school.
Then the boring love stories in campus. Fuck! The one where the ex stole my rent money? Or the other one where the ex took a shit on my bed? I don’t want to start with these ones. Triggers are bad for my mental health at the moment. However, the one where I almost got married is juicy, but I totally understand. We are not there yet.
I have many stories. I don’t know which one I want to start with. Maybe check me out again sometime. I might just make your day with the one about a talking octopus.